Well, the festive season is upon us. I like it, always have. If you’re a humbug…not my kind, happy holidays.
Not a devotee of classic rock, but like it fine, grew up all up in it after all. Some damn fine lyrics in there (though almost always drowned out by egregious overuse of the hot guitar lick); heard this yesterday on traditional FM going over the river and through the woods when the XM signal couldn’t penetrate the Erisian air flows up top:
And did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cold breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
Shit…yes ‘they’ did. That is, I let the seduction(s) take place; I prefer war to the cage, though I had forgotten. Note: For context, know that I firmly believe that everything we do is a choice, at all levels of our limited little slice from the environmental to the gap between the synapses…at every level at every moment we choose; as above so below, the Emerald Tablet said so, good enough for me. Anyway, today I looked way back to the most significant pivot point in my life and see that I had a trajectory that was taking me where I wanted to go, seriously working in my role as a bliss-seeking missile...and then got happily blindsided by a pair-bonding urge/instinct/rightness matched to a frothy passion. Ehwaz on full for both of us. Shit…fighting it was not/is not even a consideration, a very good life with loads of happiness and strength available (not always used), and potential for more, is built around it...I'm trying to learn.
Regret is a funny thing for me. I don’t really feel it or feel like it, but I am (reliably?) informed that it colors my decisions below the surface like oil in the Gulf; reliable cause there's some anecdotal evidence that it’s true. My thoughts turn this way: The ecosystem that I was just able to step into and enjoy way back when, that took me years to put together…I just moved away from it, am still moving tangentially to it…and the well-head is cracked. The mirage of clean glassy water, the continuous neotenistic urge to dive deeper, keep exploring, it gets stronger not less...when I stop to drink it’s so cloudy (like this metaphor) with cause and effect...toxic maybe?…and I’m thirsty.
So what now? Lots of choices…course correct slowly on this vector and hope/faith my way forward? Course correct hard and bring the splurt? Both of those have the wrong tone (you're talkin' to my guy all wrong, do it again and...), so maybe something more drastic…more me.
Quantum leap back as far as I can?…I’m watching this one being attempted right in front of me...not my style. Quantum leap out, catch a new gravitational center and orbit away?...collateral damage to some folks I love on that ride (though, I’ll admit it has a glamour upon me...I can shake that djinn, it's a mirage and I know it). Quantum leap up/forward…hmmm, a bit glib and ill-defined, but maybe the best …when I figure out what it means I’ll share.
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