"I don't think he would say it that way..."

I was just asked if I write outside of a journaling effort. I do. Some leaks out here, but there is also some creating textualized vehicles. For example, I have a screenplay coming together; an adaptation of someone else’s novelized narrative. It’s really not that hard with all the digital tools available; just spill out your story and pour it into the mold. Let it set, show it off…take criticism and be prepared to compromise, cause creating something like a film, well, you have to give everybody their own creative hooks or they won’t play. Don’t set the scene too much, leave room for performance, and respect other people’s art. Some ideas/suggestions/demands good, some bad, all opinion…but it has to be producible or what exactly are you doing?

Producible…there are a lot of considerations I wouldn’t have thought of, thank gods and goddesses for mentors. Performance rights?...don't get me started. It gets harder as you go though. For example, to produce a film, if you’re aligned and partnered with a production company, whether they're attached to a studio or not, you have to take advantage of what they offer. Stock footage, environmental connections, in-the-can relationships…re-use, keep cost projections low, stay away from exotic locations or big effects…at least while you’re pitching. It’s understood that everyone is saying one thing but meaning another, and thinking yet another or two; if you’re not comfortable with that, not your gig. Getting a dose of that early helps, and having a buffer to explain what just happened right after it happens and you’ve totally missed what happened…priceless.

Anyhoo, project one has actually got momentum, and project two, the real love here, will be informed from it even if it’s a miss. The real issue with two is that there is life writing all in it, people and places that are hard to disguise without watering down the creation, the emotional content. So, I’m writing out loud, and I’ll get some editorial help when/if we get to that relationship-altering bridge.

Several of you are invited to the premier(s)…should luck stretch out her hand.

Look Into My Eye...

 Got my eye on something, and it’s not a woman (discovered something special on that edge, out of reach for now) ... tangent: I just realized that I spend a lot of  time concerned with women. It’s a selfish concentration; I've got a monogamous streak though, and I will focus with some deliberation given half a chance. So the down-side?...I get it. 

So eyes on things that are explicitly for me? Selfish to the nth for a while? Sure. Once upon a time I was very self-contained, just one ball on the table bouncing into others...not sticking; rolling together, caroming, careening, sometimes a loud crack, sometimes a light touch with a little English...now? I’m trying too hard, and it shows. My best self, my highest self, is obligated to family and friends, particularly the Pea...but that’s it; obligated to be my best self, not to try and evoke their best selves, or care one way or another if they are trying. It makes precious little sense for me to attach myself to a wishful future that I author without consent. It’s almost always true that folk that I like are ones that prefer to write themselves.

So eyes on a prize for me, a developmental step that I have looked at since I was small, and stood away from cause it’s hard work and discipline, it’s limiting focus, showing up every single day, sweating the details, caring about outcomes, exposing my lacks. Need to stay in-bounds though...I just spent way too much money on an experiment (round 2 actually, totals are near $15k) reaching forward to another such developmental goal, one I am far from ready for. Let’s just say that academic rigor and I are estranged for the foreseeable future. It's rigor that I want to demonstrate though, so something rigorous is required. I know what it is.

Tactics: first, build the damn foundation. I always try to skip that if I can, jump forward, excel/accel quickly. This thing I want won’t allow that though, and I think I actually get that for the first time ever. Second, attach and progress with words in parallel. I tend to talk my way in and out of things, I'm facile, but this is not a word thing, it’s a doing thing, so give my words their outlet but don’t cheat the system. Lastly, don’t create/define/imagine/excuse due to obstacles. Seriously, in strong, in long, don’t quit. Start every day, start every day, start every day.

Good mantra, let’s see if I am who I think I am.

'The Life'?...not quite what I expected

Geez, busy. Got a screenplay under development, working a doctorate, and work is blowing up. Put that together with my need to overhaul my personal life and overcome the obstacles to happy endings there…and I need a drink.

Was down in Ft Lauderdale a few weeks back, wound up spending some time at the hotel bar and met some really nice folks. At one point I was the referee between a large group of gay guys on my left (they adopted me as a mascot I think, I haven’t been ‘cute’ in a long time), and a rowdy bunch of trade show ladies on my right. Had a couple of interested parties on both sides…awkward! Fun though, and eventually everyone scattered to the four balmy winds of So Fla. Learned a lot over two nights from the guys, flighty things, one smart one though. When Spain came up, and was touted as the place for the gay scene in Europe, we tangented over to a discussion of Franco and fascism. I think he was a little starved for solid conversation.

 

My best (and only) allies in the place were my barmen. Mauricio and Nacho. Mauricio was the elder stateman, and Nacho can charm the paint off the wall. Mauricio was tasked by some nice old lady to come back to her with an espresso martini, which he dutifully did. I saw it, and had to try one. Uh, not good.  Nacho detected my dissatisfaction and proposed some modifications: less coffee, more sugar. Much better, quite a pick-me-up knock-me-down sort of drink. The Nacho Martini lives, and I'm due back in October for round 2.